Christmas cracker jokes
Let’s be honest who doesn’t love a cheesy Christmas cracker joke. But maybe you want to make your own this year or lay some on the table for Christmas dinner. Not a problem as we’ve put together a hilarious selection of witty Christmas jokes to put a smile on everyone’s face.
- What happens to elves when they are naughty? Santa gives them the sack!
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
- What type of key do you need for a Nativity play? A don-key!
- How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle
- What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws!
- Why can’t Christmas trees knit? Because they always drop their needles!
- What kind of cars do elves like to drive? A Toy-ota or an Elfa-romeo!
- How did Scrooge win the football game? The Ghost of Christmas passed
- What do you call an old snowman? Water
- What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
- What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman
- What's a sheep's favourite Christmas song? "Fleece Navidad"!
- Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer
- Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? Because they're Santa's star bucks!
- What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
If you're making your own Christmas crackers, stocking filler experience gifts could really give them an edge. Here's some ideas:
Santa Jokes
Where would we be without old Santa Claus himself? Well, without any presents for starters! Put a smile on kids' and big kids' faces with these comical one-liners about the man in red.
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
- What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
- Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
- What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
- What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause!
- Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital? Because he has private elf care
- How can you tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house
- Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints
Embark on your own journey to gifting glory by finding something epic from our Christmas Gifts collection.
Dad jokes
Dad jokes, they’re cheeky and cheesy and can bring as many frowns as they do smiles, but they bring joy to a lot of people and are a Christmas tradition for many families. If you’re looking for some new material this year, then we’ve got it covered.
- What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
- What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery? Welfy!
- How long do a reindeer’s legs have to be? Long enough to touch the ground!
- People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.
- Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas? Noël Coward.
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis!
- How does Christmas Day end? With the letter Y!
- What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pine-apple!
- Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
- My friend just won the tallest Christmas tree competition. I thought to myself, ‘How can you top that?’
- A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee. The doctor asked him. “Have you tried icing it?”
- What did the third wise man say after his friends had already presented gold and frankincense? “But wait, there’s myrrh!”
- What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread? Loaf Actually.
Dad jokes always entice us to want to spend more time with our own so why not head out on a family day out.
Punny Christmas jokes
Step up your joke game this year with these Christmas puns that will make it the most punderful time of the year. With so much going on over the festive period you might not have time to come up with a clever Christmas card message. So look snow further than one of our light-hearted puns for a splash of festive fun.
- "It’s the most wine-derful time of the year
- "You snow the drill"
- "Don’t be elfish"
- "Believe in your elf"
- "Icy what you did there"
- "This is snow laughing matter!"
- “Rebel without a Claus”
- “Make it rein"
- “Love at frost sight!”
- “All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies”
- “Yule be sorry”
- “The Christmas alphabet has Noel”
If puns are the name of the game, then the theatre world has plenty to offer.
Summary
Hopefully these light-hearted jokes will have helped put you in the Christmas spirit and given you some ideas for your own Christmas cracks this year. And if you’re on the lookout for the perfect Christmas gift then we’ve got those too. Take a look at our range of gifts and experiences and you might just find one for that special someone.
